Thanks to all of you who are keeping us in your hearts... I still have not heard anything, suffice it to say that as far as I know the Dossier is not lost, just still sitting in the Embassy's office for some reason. Hmmm?!?!?!?
I am going crazy. There is so much swirling around in my mind and heart. The fearful place is that this will never happen. Gods how I just want to be home with a baby! What if it doesn't work this time? I don't think that would be survivable... anyway, I am really going thru the mill as they say. I even lost my milk supply! Down from 16 ounces to 4! See what stress does to the body?
I did have two good dreams last night- for my whole adult life I have had a repeating dream of my first true love. In the dream I always want him and he doesn't give me the time of day... I awake in tears, all my high school feeling of love come rushing back in and I feel like I miss him desperately and made the wrong choice to marry my dear husband, lol. (I have no idea why.. I have no contact with the old boyfriend). Anyway, I dreamt that I was with him and this time we were together (as together as two can get, lol) and guess what? I decided to leave him! Told him it would never work between us, and literally turned my back and walked away as he called after me... I kept walkin'.
I'm healed!!!! LOL.
And then one of my dear friend Amy Donaldson who passed away 8 months ago... she was there and I was so happy she hadn't left us.. she told me this adoption would happen, but it would be harder than I thought.
Amy would be so supportive of this, she always wanted to adopt. I know she is smiling down on us, cheering us on in our endeavor. I love that she visited last night. Thanks, Amy. It was so good to see your face again.
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3 comments:
Jaya, sorry to hear it's still not back yet. I'm glad you were able to have those good dreams. As much good thoughts as you can get, are what you need right now. Whenever I go throught something hard and it feels like it will never happen, I think about how I will look back on it. Like, when you look back on this time, and these feelings you are feeling, you may be able to say, "It was Feb 28, and I was about to throw in the towel, and then I got the call the very next day!" Or, even just a week from now, you may be packing your things and getting on a plane to go get your baby. It's so hard when you're in the middle of it, but I hope things get better for you soon. Thanks for the update.
Meg
Hi Jaya,
I have to chuckle at your old boyfriend dream because I have the same dream. I too had my first true love my junior year in high school. I don't think I ever really got over him. We met up again in college years and then kept in touch for years after. But we've lost touch now and I still sometimes have a dream that we are together and it is very emotional. Eventually I wake up and the moment has passed. You made me think of those dreams. Wonder if I'll dream about him tonight?? I'm not healed and feel pretty silly about it all. But you prompted me to share.
I check in to see how you are doing and to let you know I'm here.
loveya, mare
hoping things are looking up. thinking about you....
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