Yes, there has been deafening silence. I feel horrible, guilty, shameful, etc. But there is reason behind it all. For those of you following our journey, you know we had been told we were approved. Well, we kept waiting and waiting for the papers to be signed, and then out of the blue we got a....
DENIAL NOTICE!
Yes indeedy, can you %#$##* believe that? "Our documentation does not quite meet the requirements" in Rwanda. We have no idea what that means other than no. So. back to the drawing board.
It came as quite a shock, and we weren't/aren't updating with all the details on this public forum for a variety of reasons, mostly legal. Some would suggest an appeal in Rwanda, but that is a futile effort we believe, and as of now we are not ready to pursue international adoption in another place like Ethiopia. We are brokenhearted and exhausted.
I packed all the baby stuff away again, and it was hard altho I have to say it is nothing like the feelings I had when Trace died. It did bring up all sorts of the emotions from when Trace died and I am still really struggling over here in my little microcosm of a world. How can it possibly be that a woman who wants to be a mother so badly to a child who needs a mother can't seem to have the cards line up in her favor? It is easy to go to a place of feeling like the Universe is trying to tell me that I am not worthy. I am not sure that God is that personal, though...
Anyway, if you would like to know more, you will need to have contact with me off this public forum. Leave me your email and I will be in touch when I can. You have all been amazingly supportive and kind, and have held me up at some pretty weak times. I only wish I could have some feel-good news, but this journey is not yet at that chapter, I guess.
Along other lines, we were able to completely change the lives of 6 people in Rwanda. The family I wrote about before... the mother was trained to make jewelry by my dear friend Tina, and she has already made so much money that she opened a bank account! Days after we moved her out her old house collapsed to a three foot pile of rubble. I try to keep focused on this... we did not travel to Rwanda for not and I am sure I will be continuing work there in some way in the future. This woman and family are so grateful and they literally have a new life and joy.
Many blessings,
jaya
Our Journey to Pacifique
OUR NEW VIDEO! disable site music first
Rukundo Pacifique Holliman officially adopted June 19, 2009
We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey home across time & miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God's very own hands.
Welcome Rukundo Pacifique!!!
Finally! After a year and a half of trying to adopt in Rwanda, we are by the Grace of God with our new son, whose given name is Rukundo Pacifique! In Rwanda the people have a Kinyarwandan name and a French name, and our son was given his during his hospital stay after he was found by two young boys in the bush on the night of December 5th, 2008.
Rukundo means love and Pacifique, peace. We have been searching for peace for a very long time, but we thought it was a feeling we were longing for. Now we know it was also a human being we were being called to.
Bless this child, he is a miracle indeed. He was likely born very prematurely and left in the bush by his mother. We will never know her story, but we imagine it. He has now a second chance at life and love as we do after a long journey after losing our beloved son, Trace Oak.
Trace was born still at term- the same day that I lost my womb. What kept us afloat in the current of grief was Hope.... Mizero in Kinyarwanda. Hope brought us to search for Pacifique, and Pacifique and Trace will always share a very beautiful brotherhood. With Trace's gift of life and death came Pacifique's gift of love from our family.
Rukundo means love and Pacifique, peace. We have been searching for peace for a very long time, but we thought it was a feeling we were longing for. Now we know it was also a human being we were being called to.
Bless this child, he is a miracle indeed. He was likely born very prematurely and left in the bush by his mother. We will never know her story, but we imagine it. He has now a second chance at life and love as we do after a long journey after losing our beloved son, Trace Oak.
Trace was born still at term- the same day that I lost my womb. What kept us afloat in the current of grief was Hope.... Mizero in Kinyarwanda. Hope brought us to search for Pacifique, and Pacifique and Trace will always share a very beautiful brotherhood. With Trace's gift of life and death came Pacifique's gift of love from our family.
Music to Enjoy While Reading
Tribute to our son, Trace Oak
8 comments:
Jaya, I am so sorry that things didn't work out in Rwanda. I am invested in your story. I know you don't actually know me, but if you are going to sending out updates by email, I'll leave mine. I hope so much for you to have that baby that you want so badly!
My name is Meghan and my email is mmaillet@sbcglobal.net
I've told you already how sorry I am about this devastating development. It is so unfair. Though I know how many lives you have touched in this effort-- in Rwanda and elsewhere. I know that does not feel like much comfort right now. I wish I could give yo a hug in person.
Kristi (ejpierce@comcast.net)
Oh Jaya, I am so sorry this did'nt work out for you. I have been waiting for news, but this was not what I was expecting! I really hope you are not completely closing the door on adopting,I understand this is hard, but I really believe you are meant to have another child and when the time is right, God will bring you one. I have been following your story for a while and have enjoyed reading everthing you write. Thanks so much for inviting us all into your life through this blog!
Ticia (howell3@mchsi.com)
tMother: "something or someone that gives rise to or exercises protecting care over something else". You asked for a child to care for and love, and God gave you six! I know they didn't come in the form of a baby as you'd so hoped, but maybe this is all in preparation for that special day. He hasn't forgotten you. He just has some business to attend to, with you at the wheel.
Wow. I am so so sorry that this did not work out. Hoping that another door will open for you soon.
phdfam @ ohiohills DOT com (Take out the space and put in a dot instead of the word).
I know you from ICAN
So sorry about the mess . . . but I believe something will work out eventually!
Hope Anne
Jaya,
I am so sorry to hear that your adoption efforts in Rwanda turned ou tthis way. It is heartbreaking. I wanted to let you know I was thinking you and your family. Please contact me when you can, we have run into many issues with our adoption in Burundi as well. I think we have a lot in common in that area.
all the best,
Jacki
jorlando@navisite.com
jackio@verizon.net
Oh Jaya, hon, I'm so sorry this didn't work out for you.
I still have faith that there is someone out there for you, waiting. I'm just sure of it. Guess we'll have to keep the faith a little longer....but it WILL happen.
I agree totally, your journey in Rwanda most certainly had a purpose and a reason, even if it wasn't the one you foresaw. I know you will keep advocating for folks there, now that it has captured your heart.
Hang in there......
Much love, kmom
Post a Comment