Well, to answer everyone's question... no there is no update. I am beginning to really believe that this was all a joke. A nice expensive vacation in Rwanda... the hope we needed to get us through the hell of losing so much. Now though, still nothing and I just can't believe that it will ever happen. I am grateful to be with my family and that feels like enough right now.
Spring is upon us and gardens need to be planted, summer camp needs to be planned for and fuel needs to be saved for. Life happens. So I have let go of the process of this adoption.
I am still feeling very connected to my Rwandan friends, though. Happy has lost his job and all his friends have left for the US. I feel awful for him and wish there was something I could do. Richard has come to the US only to find out how cost prohibitive the college he was hoping to attend is... and now I hear that the baby of the family I am helping is very sick. That is where my mind is, not so much on the adoption.
Mother's day approaches and feels different this year than it did last year. I think then I stayed in bed all day long feeling awful... how could it be mother's day when I had failed as a mother and only managed to "kill" my baby, or so I chose to view it... this year I know I am a mother of all my babies regardless of what world they are in. I am grateful for that healing.
I'm off to dig in the dirt,
Jaya
Our Journey to Pacifique
OUR NEW VIDEO! disable site music first
Rukundo Pacifique Holliman officially adopted June 19, 2009
We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey home across time & miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God's very own hands.
Welcome Rukundo Pacifique!!!
Finally! After a year and a half of trying to adopt in Rwanda, we are by the Grace of God with our new son, whose given name is Rukundo Pacifique! In Rwanda the people have a Kinyarwandan name and a French name, and our son was given his during his hospital stay after he was found by two young boys in the bush on the night of December 5th, 2008.
Rukundo means love and Pacifique, peace. We have been searching for peace for a very long time, but we thought it was a feeling we were longing for. Now we know it was also a human being we were being called to.
Bless this child, he is a miracle indeed. He was likely born very prematurely and left in the bush by his mother. We will never know her story, but we imagine it. He has now a second chance at life and love as we do after a long journey after losing our beloved son, Trace Oak.
Trace was born still at term- the same day that I lost my womb. What kept us afloat in the current of grief was Hope.... Mizero in Kinyarwanda. Hope brought us to search for Pacifique, and Pacifique and Trace will always share a very beautiful brotherhood. With Trace's gift of life and death came Pacifique's gift of love from our family.
Rukundo means love and Pacifique, peace. We have been searching for peace for a very long time, but we thought it was a feeling we were longing for. Now we know it was also a human being we were being called to.
Bless this child, he is a miracle indeed. He was likely born very prematurely and left in the bush by his mother. We will never know her story, but we imagine it. He has now a second chance at life and love as we do after a long journey after losing our beloved son, Trace Oak.
Trace was born still at term- the same day that I lost my womb. What kept us afloat in the current of grief was Hope.... Mizero in Kinyarwanda. Hope brought us to search for Pacifique, and Pacifique and Trace will always share a very beautiful brotherhood. With Trace's gift of life and death came Pacifique's gift of love from our family.
Music to Enjoy While Reading
Tribute to our son, Trace Oak
5 comments:
Keep the faith. If it is meant to be it shall be..
Dear Jaya-
I have been checking in on you, thinking of you, wondering about the adoption ever since I found your site over a month ago. You seem so fimiliar to me. I have been praying for a baby to come to you...but when I read your words today I realized that a baby DID come to you, your baby Trace. And he has continued to lead you on an amazing journey...LIFE. However he continues to lead you I am sure will be the right path...may you be blessed along the way.
abby
Jaya,
I'm sorry it's taking so long. I'm glad you're with your family, though. I am happy for you that your seem to have acceptance that your worrying won't move anything along any faster. I hope that you can enjoy happiness now and when you get the call, all will be good. Thank you for the update.
Now that you are right here in town, I feel silly commenting. But I couldn't resist.
I hope you don't wear those cool white pants of yours while you are digging in the dirt.
And I hope you don't dwell too much on your haircut because, well, it's just hair and it would take much more than a hack saw to ruin your beauty.
I just read something in Oprah mag about having to let go of old, unnecessary, burdensome baggage, be it mental, or actual, before being able to really move to the next chapter. It resonated with me, thought it might with you too.
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