This entry doesn't count as real writing; I have had on my to-do list "Blog Entry" for weeks now and I just never get to it. I guess there is nothing pressing and I don't feel obligated to write, and hanging with the kiddos is taking all my time or something. That and I clearly don't know what to write about now that we're home. Anyway, do stay tuned for some re-vamping, maybe add a playlist or something as well as post pics from Rwanda. Coming soon...
But for now, two things: 1) If you sign in as "anonymous" and neglect to sign your post (nearly everyone last post) I have no clue who you are. Maybe you want it that way, but this blog thing certainly seems personal enough on my end (I think I've shared deeply intimate stuff with you) that it warrants you signing your names to any comments. 2) Either I am a crappy writer and failed to get my point across or something... My post about when do I give up entirely was not about me wanting a spotless home above all else. It was not about me valuing cleanliness more than the precious moments of childlike joy. It was not about me not feeling thankful. Heck, it wasn;t even about what the kids will remember... really.
It was about the in and out of my days. It was about the "if you give a mouse a cookie" syndrome of motherhood and the struggle a meager homemaker and housewife and mother has... the ongoing attempts to "do better" or "do more" or "at least get dinner on the table" that in my case, anyway, are typically met with failure by the end of a day. That attempt to finally once and for all get the entire house vacuumed rather than the move-the-vacuum-around-all-week-from-room-to-room running behind. The futile attempt of course.
Can't I be grateful for the miracle of my family and also be struggling as a mother and housewife and homemaker? Give up entirely? Really? Are there really those of you out there who give up on it entirely? Wait... don't answer that. I cannot imagine. No, you must struggle as I do to get it all done- the homeschooling, the fun, the snuggling, the nurturing, the cooking, the errands, the spontaneous wrestling, the cooking, the communicating with your spouse, the family meetings, the gardening, the cleaning, the cooking, the laundry... the alone time where we as moms take care of our precious selves... oh, and earn some supplemental income too. I can't imagine letting any part of it go entirely.
No, don't you fret. I am not missing the important things in life. I know how important each moment is, that is a lesson not lost on a mother who has buried the future of her beloved child. I do not miss the importance of children and their joy- after all, I have searched the world over for our child and brought him home. In fact, I get it. Look at the pictures on that blog entry. Look at the faces of the children. I get it. Really.
But I struggle to do it all like so many moms do.
Over and out. Stay tuned. Rwanda pics to come.
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3 comments:
You're probably tired of hearing from very un-anonymous me. I might as well remain anonymous, since I can't seem to get around to updating my blog.
I also wanted to mention the brief moment of "schadenfreude" (not sure if that's the right word) I experienced when you confessed to not being able to keep up. You are the "fly lady" in my eyes.
Watch/listen to this when you get a chance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rov3pV9PsRI
whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the things you've mentioned, it is so nice to have people remind me of what's really important, and that's what I was trying to give to you, just that little bit of "it's ok, we're all right there with you" that is so hard to see when you're in the midst of the mess! :) my kids right now are 7 and 9, and we've moved across the globe recently, so we don't have much in the way of mess-makers in our house right now, but it still gets to me at times, and I can only imagine what it will be like when the two newbies come home!! so yes, it is such a struggle, such a thankless task, but focusing on the joy of it as much as possible, and trying to not feel emotions about the mess (or let husbands feel emotions about mess :) is key for me, anyway... it's just a mess, it's not a failure in any way, ya know? I think it's pretty clear that you're a woman with your priorities in the right place, but I think we all need the "it's ok, we all struggle with this"...and maybe that's not how my comment came across, but it's certainly how I meant it. in any case, thanks for posting all the photos, and thank you for blogging, your sharing is so valuable to those of us walking right behind you on this path!!
I agree with you about anonymous comments by the way ... people should log in or at least sign their names :-)
{{{{super hugs to a wonderful mom but more importantly a wonderful caring generous person}}}}}
I think I understand the 'if you give a mouse a cookie' syndrome on trying to run the house. My reaction varies each time I get overwhelmed by it so that is all I can say ... some times simply deep breaths, sometimes crying ... sometimes just ignoring it all for awhile .... crawling in bed with a child is a good way for me to forget but I do feel it and yet when I look back over a longer period of time I realize I am making progress in multiple areas and there are messier houses out there than mine.
Love and belief,
Tami
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