Gotcha Day!

Believe it or not, it was my mother who reminded me recently that two years ago we left for Rwanda this day. I think THAT is worthy of a blog post!

So we are reading our blog from start to finish as a family- going thru it all again to remember the story, the search, the commitment, the struggle that was our paper pregnancy to Pacifique. And we are planning something special for this wee child- now 2.5 years old- who we met for the first time on the 16th, passed court with on the 19th and had forever with us on the 24th of June.

I've had Pacifique on my brain lately as two years later I learn to deepen my love and acceptance of him and as I fall back in love with his Mother Country, Rwanda. I've got every movie "Rwanda" in my Netflix queue, I'm starting a bibliography of Rwandan history and culture books, and yes... I'm dreaming of returning there. I don't know what is happening inside me, but something is brewing.

Perhaps what is brewing is simply our son, who likes us to call him Mugisha. Blessing.

Quote of the Day (maybe the year?)

"Live fully and presently and wholly and that is about all you got. Give it your all, wear your heart on your sleeve, and be guided with love. Your children and babies need you to plan for the best, pray for beauty and grace, and teach them how to go through when things get tough."

Written by me to a group of women planning homebirth after a previous cesarean section. Recently their online group began talking about my story, since I'm the poster child for catastrophic rupture; their worst fear. I had the opportunity to address some of their inquiries and assumptions, as well as share the story of Trace's birth and death. It was quite a moving experience and this quote was some of the wisdom that came forth.

Colorado Trip Photos

So way back when in October we had a great trip to meet Scott's family in Colorado. I'm wishing right now that I had some photos of the moment we got off the tram, doors opened to a whole audience of people awaiting their loved ones... black roping dividing us from those waiting. Mims and Pops stood on one side, us lugging all our stuff but most importantly their new Grandson on the other side. We see each other and both Mims and I begin crying. I have just kept a vision for more than three years and traveled half way around the world to a very foreign place and in that moment of looking at Mims and Pops laying eyes on their grandbaby for the first time, I am overwhelmed by a sense of some strange heroism... taken aback completely by the fact that I now know I did not do this for myself only... but that my journey toward Pacifique was truly for many, and for this mother of my dear husband.

Please enjoy some photos of our time in Colorado. Pictured below are Ariah's Uncle Patrick and Aunt Cari (Scott's sister and BIL) and his mom and dad (along with us).

Update on Clementina

Well, it has been a while since I posted what I knew of the situation with Clementina. In that time, I have become skeptical of the credibility of this situation posed to me by our friend Happy. Before I sent any money to Rwanda for Clementina's care, there were certain specific questions that I wanted answered completely: like what hospital she was in, which bed number. What was her prognosis if she received medical attention or surgery? What of the sick baby? I did not receive answers to any of these questions. The lack of information made me suspect, but I kept at it with the help of some wonderful women who also have come to know and love both Clementina and Happy. We all tried everything we knew to get accurate information- calling Rwanda and even asking an American acquaintance now living in Kigali to go to the reported doctor and hospital to get information about Clementina. Her efforts were tireless, but she was unable to set her eyes on Clementina.

Some of you have donated, but please know that I am holding on to the donations until I have spoken with you directly regarding how to proceed. Please be in contact with me if you have sent something along... I have tried to reach a few of you to no avail.

I hesitate to write much about this here, as I do not want to add drama to an already tough situation. Suffice it to say I am very sad and worried. Sad because Happy was a good friend to me and others and I hate to believe that he knowingly misrepresented something in order to get money. Worried because maybe Clementina is indeed sick and in trouble... and if she isn't then it is going to be very difficult to help her going forward since my only way to her was thru Happy.

That being said, I am also grateful and proud that I listened to my instinct, slowed things down and asked questions. I am happy that I was able to have integrity with people's money and that I worked so hard to verify the facts of this situation.

I will keep you posted if anything develops.. and again, if you have sent a donation but have not spoken with me, please contact me.

Blessings,
Jaya